


Start again

by Silver_Rabbit



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Best Friends, Break Up, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Depression, Every other chapter is a flashback, Feelings Realization, Fights, First Meetings, Flashbacks, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Non-Famous Harry, Non-Famous Louis, One Night Stands, Panic Attacks, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:46:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Rabbit/pseuds/Silver_Rabbit
Summary: Louis and Harry broke up, both are feeling miserable without each other, four months later Harry comes back in Louis' life. Will they be able to fix what seems irreparably broken?!





	1. When we meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thanks for reading this!  
> This story is going to be one chapter present, one chapter past flashbacks and so on.  
> I hope you like it, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.

One, two, three.  
One, two, three.  
One, two, three.  
Louis stared at the water drops falling on the window, creating different patterns, trying to find a rhythm in it. It was pointless, there was nothing but a chaos in the way these drops crawled on the foggy Glass. He felt frustrated so he closed his eyes and rubbed them slowly, taking in the darkness of the night. He opened the window letting in a smell of rain that was painfully familiar and simultaneously disappointing, because smelling it didn't bring joy anymore, nothing did. He lit up a cigarette, breathing lethal smoke in, it was an empty habit he had taken up lately, to fill out his time, or keep his mouth busy.  
He wasn't sad, not anymore, he wanted to cry at first, scream, break things, but he realized soon enough it wouldn't change anything, it wouldn't fix this, it wouldn't bring him back. Now he felt numb, avoiding his feelings seemed fit, since he has no one who could manage to confront him. He knew it might be selfish of him, making his family and friends worried but what if he wanted to be selfish, what if he wanted to be isolated and not feel, what if he even wanted to be dead?! It is his life, his choices, his emotions. He has to go through this shit.  
He threw his cigarette out of the window, even smoking didn't bring the relief, he breathed the cold air in and closed his eyes. His existence was excruciating.

***

Louis wakes up with a headache and a loud sound of alarm in his ears. He gets up, showers, drinks his coffee, gets dressed and goes to work.  
His job is one of the things that doesn't bring him joy anymore, and because he doesn't like to be reminded of the things that used to make him happy, he hates it now. But he has his responsibilities and he can't avoid them anymore, it's been three weeks since he started going back to work again, and four months since the break up.  
He owns a book shop with a small cafe, it's vintage style and beautiful, he has made every little thing with his hands, put so much thought and care into every small detail, this place has always felt like home.  
But Harry ruined it too, just like every other good thing in his life, he sees him everywhere, in the corner sit next to the shelves where he liked to read and drink his coffee, on the couch where they had made love after closing, behind the counter, where he would make him coffee and playfully smile while making comments about Louis being grumpy in the mornings. He shakes his head to clear his mind and turns the 'open' sign around getting behind the counter and opening a book he was reading yesterday.  
His day went quietly, not many people were around, he didn't know whether to feel concerned or relived about it.  
It was close to midnight when he locked the door with a heavy sigh, not quite ready to go back to his empty flat yet, after all, he never really made a home out of those empty white walls. He was slowly walking down the street, trying to concentrate on the way his feet moved against the pavement, just to avoid unnecessary thoughts that never seemed to leave his mind. As soon as he turned the corner he felt it, even before he could recognize the familiarity of the silhouette pacing back and forth in front of him. Here he was, after what felt like forever. Louis felt sadness creeping in his stomach, looking at him now felt surreal, felt like he saw him just this morning, like these past months of pain never happened. Maybe he could pretend just for a second that he could still go up to him to greet with a kiss and Harry would wrap his arm around him and smile. his eyes started to water, no, he wouldn't cry, not anymore, not in front of him.  
He had to go through him, there was no way around, so he took a deep breath and with a neutral face expression approached him.  
"Hi" he said and his own voice sounded foreign to him, he cringed and cleared his throat. Harry looked up at him with his eyes wide and his body trembling.  
"Hi Louis" he pronounced his name with such an adoration that Louis got goosebumps, his heart felt heavy in his chest.  
"How are you doing?" He hated that things had to be like this now, being polite with each other, being awkward and having distance between them, even though they were centimeters away from each other. Louis thought that he could touch his skin so easily if he wanted to, feel him again, make sure he's real, instead he stood still, polite smile on his face that didn't reach the eyes.  
"Good" he looked miserable, and it should probably make Louis feel good, but it doesn't, and it hurts even more. "Good" second time sounded more convincing. "How are you?"  
"I'm fine, thanks." he said confidently, he had said it too many times for it not to sound perfectly believable.  
"Sorry, I have to go, I'm already late, but it was nice seeing you, bye" all of it was a complete lie, Harry opened a mouth to say something but he was already walking away so a quiet "bye" was all Harry said. When he was a little bit farther he heard a quiet "fuck" as well, but maybe he just imagined it.

***

It was Friday and Louis was fine. He had a dinner date with his friend Lana and he was feeling unusually calm, he hadn't felt this good in months, but he wasn't gonna question it.  
He sorted things out at the book shop early and left, leaving everything in the safe hands of Mary, one of his two employees.  
When he arrived at the dinner Lana was already waiting with his favorite kind of pizza on the table.  
Lana smiled and hugged him tightly.  
He sat down and looked at the food.  
"Oh, you know me well, love"  
"Nah, I just have a really good taste in pizza and you're just copying me"  
They talked for a while, ate and went to the bar nearby afterwards. Lana told him about her new boyfriend, that was actually the guy she went out with two times, but as always, she was already planning the wedding.  
"He is the one, I'm telling you, he is so hot! Crazy hot!" She said and put down the vodka shot she had just emptied on the table.  
"How hot exactly is he?! Show me" Louis narrowed his eyes.  
"No way, I'm don't want you drooling over my man, so I'm keeping him secret until you get man of your own" she wiggled her eyebrows. "By the way, nobody new?"  
"Not really in the mood to get myself in another disasterous relationship, thanks." Louis said jokingly, but non of them laughed.  
"How are you really, Louis? I've been worried, we all have been." Louis shrugged and looked down, he didn't want to talk about it now that he was having fun.  
"I saw him the other day, on the street down the book shop" he looked at her and took in her guilty expression. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" Louis felt betrayed somehow, it was stupid since Lana was friends with both him and Harry, but she was his friend first.  
"I saw him on Tuesday, he told me he wanted to get in touch with you, I told him it was a bad idea, I didn't know he'd actually do that..."  
"Wait what?" Said Louis confused.  
"What?" Said Lana with her eyes wide.  
"It was on purpose? Of course, I was so deep in my head I didn't even think of it, God I'm stupid, of course, it's so like him to disappear for months and just show up one day, not even having the guts to admit it was on purpose. Fucking pathetic." Louis was angry now.  
"Hey, stop it, he's hurting too, you know?! He misses you and loves you."  
"Yet he managed to fuck everything up beyond repair. So next time he speaks of me tell him to go fuck himself."  
"Louis it wasn't like that!"  
"How was it then, Lana, please, please enlighten me, did he not stop paying attention to me, did he talk to me, did he not go and fuck somebody? What is it exactly that I'm missing?"  
"It's not my place to..."  
"Damn right it's not! You didn't have to watch the love of your life slowly slip through your fingers, cheat on you and break your heart so please, don't tell me things like that I just..." Tear slipped down his face, he felt so so sad suddenly, anger was gone "I just don't want to talk about it, please, I want to forget him."  
"Okay, okay" she said soothingly, wrapping her skinny arms around him "you're okay, I'm sorry baby" she said holding him.

***  
It was Monday afternoon. The day was dull and annoying. The regular teenage girl was reading quietly on the corner table, sipping her tea, a couple were arguing angrily about something two tables over, their voices low and tense, Louis was reading his book when he heard footsteps, he looked up to take the order but froze when he saw a familiar face looking down at him.  
"Can I help you with anything?" Harry flinched at the passive agressive tone.  
"Louis, can we talk?" He sounded like a child who got caught stealing a candy. Louis immediately regretted being rude, but didn't hold back, he said with more neutral tone.  
"I don't think it's a good idea Harry"  
"Why not?"  
"Because I have nothing to tell you and you have nothing to say that I want to listen to."  
"How about I miss you?" He said looking vulnerable, like he had nothing left to lose, maybe he didn't. "Couse I do, I miss you every day, please, Louis, you just can't throw away history this long."  
"Why not?" He chuckled "you did." Harry froze in loss of words. After a few seconds he continued.  
"I'm sorry for everyone I did wrong, yes, I fucked up, but you were the one who left. We were together for six years but we were friends four years before that, I miss you so much, you are my best friend Louis, please, I just want to see you, be near you and just have you in my life again."  
"Sorry, Harry, but I can't do that " he looked him in the eyes coldly "in fact I have no desire of seeing you, ever, so now, if you don't mind, I have things to go back to."  
Harry was on the verge of tears, and mentally so was Louis, he wanted to hug Harry, comfort him, hold him, kiss him and never let go, but he was strong, and he wouldn't let himself do that, he wouldn't survive Harry one more time.  
So he didn't show any emotion, he knew Harry was proud and he wouldn't beg for anything, but he seemed desperate and unhappy and he felt a tingle of satisfaction by hurting him the way he had hurt him, But mostly he was consumed by pain. Harry just turned around and left, no goodbye, no nothing.


	2. When we first met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically a flashback of how Louis and Harry first met and became friends.

Louis met Harry when he was 15, he was at the bar with friends from school, the bar itself was what Louis would call a typical shitty bar, it was cheap and nobody cared about your age, in return you would try your very best not to judge them based on clients who were throwing up in the corner.  
Bartender was barely of age, the place was decorated with small lights and handmade decorations, the only matching trait of old wooden chairs were handmade decorative pillows and the fact that only half of them were fit for sitting.  
Louis loved this place anyways, it felt comfortable, it had character and was home-like, so he didn't mind it's flaws.  
It was 11 pm and he had already drank four beers and three shots of vodka, it would be fair to say, he was properly drunk, but he knew how to handle his alcohol by now.  
After finishing his last beer he decided it was time to go home, considering he didn't really like his friends or the way they acted after few drinks. He said goodbye to everyone and was walking out of the door when he noticed a silhouette of someone sitting on the steps outside, with his head down.  
"Hey, are you alright mate?" He said concerned. A beautiful guy looked up at him, his eyes were glassy and his curly hair disheveled. He looked younger than Louis.  
"I don't feel so good"  
"Is anyone here with you? Do you want me to go get someone?"  
"Please don't"  
"Why not? Did someone hurt you?" He suddenly felt very protective of the younger lad.  
"No... It's just stupid..." He sounded ashamed, Louis sat down next to him.  
" What happened?"  
"I drank for the first time"  
"How old are you?"  
"14"  
"Okay" he said waiting for the boy to continue.  
"So I didn't really want to do it but... People at school don't like me very much, they aren't necessarily mean, but you know?! It's school, so when guys asked me to come and drink I thought why not, what's the worst that could happen, but now everything's spinning and I feel stupid, so yeah... I don't want anyone to notice."  
"I get it, but you shouldn't do what you don't want to do just to fit in, I know it's hard, I don't like people I'm with very much either but if you are just who you are, you have bigger chance to meet people who like you for you and make real friends."  
"I guess, but it's easier said than done, if it was easy you wouldn't be here with people you don't like."  
Louis laughed. "True" he said.  
"So what's your name curly?"  
"Harry"  
"Nice to meet you Harry, I'm Louis"  
"Nice to meet you too Louis" said Harry, he smiled at Louis and it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, he had dimples on his cheeks and his eyes were bright and innocent, Louis just wanted to hug him, instead he smiled at the boy and said.  
"You live nearby? Do you want me to walk you home?"  
"Yeah 20 minutes walk from here, would you really?"  
"Of course, lead the way" Harry got up and they started walking down the street.  
"Why are you being so kind to me Louis?"  
"Why wouldn't I? You looked like you needed help, anyone would do that"  
"I don't think so, but thanks, it would have been embarrassing if people I came with saw me like that."  
"I've been there, you'll get used to it..."  
"How old are you?"  
"I'm fifteen"  
"Oh, cool"  
They walked for a while just talking like they were old friends.  
"This is my house" said Harry, pointing towards the two story house.  
"I actually live nearby, like, five minutes walk from here, how come I've never seen you around?"  
"I just moved here a few months ago, I don't really know anyone here, I don't go out much."  
"Give me your phone" Louis typed his number in Harry's phone.  
"Now you know me, so if you ever want to hang out, just text me"  
"Okay, bye, and thanks for everything"  
"See you around Harry" Louis watched Harry go in and then started walking towards his home.

***  
The next day Louis was excited, all day he was checking his phone for texts, but Harry never texted, not that day, not the weeks after, so Louis decided that Harry didn't want to keep in touch and it was alright, honestly. Of course he was disappointed, he felt connected to the lad somehow, but it wasn't a big deal.

Weeks went by and Louis almost forgot about Harry. It was late November now and louis decided he wasn't really in the mood to attend classes so he hang around the school yard, near the field where sports practices usually took place, but it was 9:45 and nobody was there. He pulled out a book and started reading. He didn't even manage to read 12 pages when he heard someone approach him. He ignored it, until that someone stopped in front of him.  
"Hey Louis" he said.  
"Harry! What are you doing here?" Louis felt excited and surprised.  
"Um... Kinda ditching classes?"  
"Is that a question?" Louis laughed.  
"No I'm definitely ditching classes, I didn't know that you go here"  
"Well, you would if you had texted me."  
"Sorry... I just thought maybe you wouldn't want me to text you..."  
"Why would I have given you my number then?!" Louis asked confused.  
"Good point, so are you going to go to classes today?"  
"Not really" Harry sat down next to him.  
"What are you reading?"  
"Lolita, have you read it?"  
"No, but I've heard of it, do you like it?"  
"Not sure about the story itself but I like how it's written, I like the subjectivity of it, seeing different point of view, that's what I like about books the most"  
"You really like to read, don't you?"  
"Yeah, does it surprise you?"  
"Why would it?"  
"I don't know, people are surprised sometimes, when they see me with the book, a lot of people think I'm not the type to read."  
"And what type is that?"  
"Smart" Louis laughed.  
"Well, fuck them, then."  
And that was that. In that moment Louis was sure that they would definitely be friends. Weeks went by and they started spending more and more time together, soon after they started hanging out almost every day, and before they knew it they became best friends. Louis didn't even remember the time in his life without Harry, it was like he had always been there.

Looking back now, Louis thinks that it was so easy back then, maybe they would have been better off as friends, maybe it would be best if they never met.  
Louis leaves work early that day Harry's face still in his head, the way he looked, hurt and small. He does not call him, does not beg for forgiveness, does not cry, instead he drives two hours to go to the bar where they first met, he hasn't been here for years, now it's a vegan cafe, blonde girl greets him with a warm smile as he walks in and orders. He eats and thinks that the bar is gone now, just like Harry, like it never even existed and it's just a good memory now, something he can't get back, something that might as well could have been a dream, but the pain is too real for it all to have been an illusion.


	3. Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis tries to get better and erase Harry from his life, but ends up understanding that it isn't that simple.

After visiting the place where he met Harry first in his old hometown, Louis felt lost. He visited his family for a while, spent the night, in the morning he got in his car and started driving home.

On the second hour of driving he felt heaviness in his chest, like he had something in that would tear him apart from the inside if he relaxed just for a second. He started to sweat and everything started spinning, he felt lightheaded, his body was numb and shaking, his heart started beating fast and he started to panic.

He pulled over on the side of the road and rolled his windows down, cold air filled his lungs as he tried to control his breathing, he felt tears fall down on his cheeks and sob escaped his mouth, he felt so lost, so alone, he didn't want to be alive and it scared him. 

Nothing made sense anymore, nothing felt real, it felt like he was stuck in the foggy forest and the lights on the other side were too small and blurry to give hope, to make him want to keep going.

After a while of hysterical sobbing it stopped. He suddenly froze and looked in the mirror, wiped his tears and took a deep breath. No one was going to come and save him, no one could, only he was able to get his shit together and keep going, only half an hour before he could go home, lay down in his bed and be there, that's all he wanted right now, all he could do.

He spent exactly four days in bed, only getting up to drink water, eat or use the bathroom, and all four days of it was miserable. He felt every second of it, lost in his head, horrible emptiness in his chest that was eating him alive. He felt hopeless and lost, he cried, he screamed. Nothing helped.

On the fifth morning he woke up and decided he couldn't do this anymore. Existing like this was painful and meaningless. He wouldn't kill himself, he knew that for sure, he wanted to sometimes but he just couldn't fuck up everyone who loved him. So as much as he wanted it, suicide was not an option.

So he did the only other thing he knew, if he wasn't gonna choose death he had to choose life. He got up, took a long shower, went through his morning routine and went out. It was only 10 am and he didn't really have anywhere to be yet, he just started walking. 

He walked for half an hour, looking around, observing people, finally he found a quiet park, sat down on the swing and lit up a cigarette.

There was a woman with her daughter.  
"Say cat" she said, pointing at the little black cat near the bushes  
" c a t" she repeated to her daughter.  
"Cat" said the kid.  
"Yes, cat, good girl" said the mother, kissing her child's face. 

Louis smiled fondly at them as he continued smoking. He looked up at the sky, spotting birds. He smiled. He liked watching birds fly ever since he was a little kid, of course it was adorable back then, but it seemed odd to people now that he was a grown man.

"Why do you love watching birds so much" once Harry asked him.  
They were laying in the grass, they were just friends back then. Louis didn't know, but when he thought about it he said:  
"Probably because they don't give a shit about anything. They're free, they just fly." He said to him. Harry gave him a long look, observing his face, then he smiled at him fondly.

He felt good. It was nice to just wander around, not caring. he got up and started walking towards his book shop. 

He pulled out his phone to call Mary.  
"Hey Mary, it's Louis."  
"Hey! how are you feeling?"  
"l'm feeling much better, so I thought that I'm gonna open today, you stay home."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, thank you so much for covering for me last week! Take a day off and enjoy yourself."  
"Great, thanks Louis, see you tomorrow."  
"Okay, bye."  
"Bye"  
He went in the book shop and started to clean, there was not much to do, but he still moved a few things around, he felt like he needed change, even the little one. Then he opened shop and got behind the counter. 

People started coming in, it was quite busy, but he didn't mind. It helped him get his mind off of things. When he finished working he called max, the only friend he didn't share with Harry.

"Hey, how are you doing?"  
"Louis! Long time no see! How have you been mate?"  
"I've been great, thank you very much, you wanna hang out?"  
"I'm actually planning to go to club later, with my friends, wanna come with?"  
"What friends?"  
"Just work friends, you know Rose, her boyfriend is coming too and couple of others."  
"Okay count me in and text me the details."  
"Deal."  
"Okay see you later."

Louis got home, showered, put on tight black jeans and t-shirt. He was feeling confident, he was out to hunt. He was going to get himself a hot girl or a guy to take home.

He met up with Max and his friends at the bar near the club, they had a few drinks and when they were properly buzzed they went to the club, it was already 1 am.

Soon enough Louis got separated from his friends and went to the bar to get more drinks. He had three shots and went to the dance floor.  
He looked around subtly checking out people, when he spotted the guy who was eating him with his eyes. He was blonde, his height, fit, he had beard. He was hot as fuck and more importantly he had nothing in common with harry, so he maintained an eye contact with the guy, smiling at him seductively. 

The guy slowly walked up to him and they started to dance, the music was loud and alcohol in his system made light flickering more intense.

He felt big hands on his body, moving up and down and it turned him on, he leaned forward to kiss the guy, his mouth was wet, warm and exactly what Louis needed, right now. He was getting impatient.

"You want to get out of here" he whispered in the guy's ear.  
"Yes, please" said the guy, took Louis' hand and lead him to the exit. 

Louis texted Max that he was going home, so he wouldn't look for him, taxi drive was short, since the guy lived nearby.  
All the way over there the guy was rubbing Louis' thigh and kissing his neck, gently sucking on it.

Finally they got home and without much hesitation the guy lead him to the bedroom. The sex was nothing special, just a good fuck, to get off, to forget, to have fun. So here Louis was, laying on the stranger's bed an hour later, his breathing still heavy.

As his breathing steadied, he slowly got up. The guy offered him to stay but Louis politely declined. He went to the bathroom, got dressed and left. There was nothing more here for him. He looked at the time on his phone, it was 4:35, he looked around trying to figure out where he was. He started walking aimlessly to find taxi or figure out where he was at least. 

He felt kind of dirty, sure it was fun and all, but he didn't do one night stands very often, actually he has only done it four times. He was either with, or hopelessly in love with Harry as far as he could remember. 

He was starting to get irritated because no taxis were around, he considered going back to the guy's place but it would be too awkward and he didn't even remember the way back so he just kept walking when he tripped over the step he didn't notice and fell down, all he felt was horrible pain in his head before he passed out.

There was a light outside the window when he woke up. So it was a daytime, Louis realized. He was obviously in the hospital.  
"Fuck." He said quietly. Events from last night coming back to him. He had a horrible headache and small cuts and scratches all over his right arm. It stinged.

"Hey, you're awake" said the voice too familiar to mistake for another. It confused Louis, what the hell was Harry doing here.  
"What are you doing here?" He asked with more surprise in his voice than anger.  
"I guess I'm still your emergency contact." Harry smiled at him. "I got call at 5 am, you scared the shit out of me Louis."  
"I'm sorry, I will make sure to remove you from my emergency contact."  
"Don't. I will always be here for you."  
"Oh please, spear me the bullshit." Louis rolled his eyes. "Who do I have to sell my soul to, to get some painkillers around here?" Harry chuckled.  
"I'll get the doctor for you"  
"Thanks" Louis said.  
Why was he still here, why hadn't he left.

Doctor checked him and told him he had a concussion. He's on the bed rest for at least a week. Great, he has to call Josh to cover for him at work, he couldn't ask Mary again, the girl covered for him way too much as it was. 

He felt dizzy and nauseous, he closed his eyes for a while.  
"Are you alright Lou?" Harry asked gently.  
"Great" he said sarcastically. "This was such a bad timing."  
"Doctor said you could go home, I've got your prescriptions and everything, let's go, I'll take you."  
"Why do you even give a shit? Not that I'm complaining."  
"Don't be silly, you would do the exact same thing for me."  
It was true, so Louis didn't say anything, he just got in the car, let Harry take him home, laid down and went to sleep.

He woke up a couple of hours later, something smelled nice. He got up and went to the bathroom. Harry was in the kitchen, cooking, Louis felt a sting in his heart at the familiar scene in front of him. He couldn't think about it right now.

"You're still here."  
"And you you shouldn't be up." Said Harry, gesturing him to go to bed again. He did exactly that, Harry followed and set down on the bed.

"I'm going to stay here for the week Louis, to take care of you."  
"Um... No."  
"Louis, you can't be here alone it's not safe. Your mom can't leave kids alone and there's not enough room here to fit all of them, Lana is out of the country for two weeks, who else will come here to take care of you, don't be fucking stubborn Louis, I'm staying." 

Louis knew he was right but he felt sick at the thought of Harry being here for a week, like back when they were living together. Except it wouldn't be the same, not at all, and it was killing Louis.  
"Okay, fine." He said annoyed. Harry smiled satisfied and got of to leave the room.  
"Harry?" Louis said before he left the room, Harry looked back at him with his eyebrows raised in a question and concern. "Thanks" Louis said with his voice small and defeated, not meeting his eyes. He still spotted a fond smile on Harry's face.

He was stupid to think he could erase Harry from his life. Harry wasn't just ex, he was never just his best friend and lover, he had been his family for years, and family takes care of each other no matter what. 

So now Louis has to learn to live with Harry in his life, he has to adapt to the new circumstances, but that was problem for another day, right now all he needed was sleep.


	4. Getting over you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback from the past, Louis and Harry hook up for the first time, Louis goes to university, Harry tries to get over Louis.

Louis was a year older than Harry, naturally throughout their friendship it was obvious that most likely Louis would go to university a year before Harry, and now that the last year of Louis' high school was coming to an end, Harry was anxious. 

The thing was, they spent almost all the days together, even studied together and slept over at each other's places countless times. Harry's family considered Louis their son and vise versa. 

Now in two and a half months louis would be gone and Harry wouldn't see him more than a few times throughout the next year.  
Harry wasn't the most confident person in the world so different thoughts rushed through his mind.  
"What if he forgets me? What if he figures out he doesn't need me in his life? What if he makes a new best friend and I will be just an old friend from back home."

After the last day of the school there was a big party planned, but Louis decided he didn't want to go since Harry wouldn't be there, and he had just broken up with his girlfriend of a year because of the distance that would be between their universities, he didn't really want to party with her, so Harry offered a private party, just the two of them, alcohol and weed, and Louis was more than happy to comply.

"Can't believe it's over." Said Louis laying down on Harry's bed.  
"What exactly do you mean?"  
"High school, my relationship, my living here, take your pick."  
"It's exciting, you'll get to start your life, an adult life." Louis laughed.  
"Gee, you sound so excited for me."  
"I am" said Harry not meeting his eyes. "It's me I'm not excited for. "You're gonna leave me behind and start living your life" said Harry laying down next to Louis.  
Louis took his cheeks between his hands and squeezed them.  
"Don't be dramatic, love, I'll be two hours away, I'll visit as much as I can, and so will you, besides, what would I ever do without you." He said, kissing Harry's nose.

He pulled away, their faces were so close that they could feel each other's breathing, neither of them spoke. Suddenly atmosphere got heavy with electricity and finally Harry dared to do what he wanted for as long as he could remember, he leaned forward and slowly kissed Louis' lips. He pulled away and looked him in the eyes. Suddenly Louis laughed and so did Harry, they were looking at each other. When they stopped laughing Louis asked all serious  
"What was that for."  
"I don't know, I just love you so much" said Harry slowly stroking Louis' cheek. "I'm just going to miss you so much" he added, his eyes watering.

Louis leaned forward and kissed Harry, this kiss was longer, deeper, like testing the waters but also taking their time, they continued kissing and touching each other's bodies gently for over an hour, studying and admiring each other. Harry was on top of Louis, he moved a little and their crotches brushed causing Louis to moan loudly. 

"Can I?" Whispered Harry, gesturing towards Louis pants. Louis nodded. Harry put his hand down Louis' pants and took his hard cock in his hand, stroking slowly, feeling it's weight in his hand, he had never done this before, he had made out with a few people but not like this, never like this. 

Louis got rid of Harry's shorts and boxers, then his own, he started to stroke their cocks together, Harry moaned loudly, it felt so good. He started kissing and sucking on Louis' neck.  
It wasn't long before both of them were coming, they were worked up, drunk teenagers after all.  
"Okay" said Harry after they both steadied their breathing "so THIS happened..." They laughed, looking at each other like they just played video games and not make out or give each other handjobs.

They took their turns to the bathroom and cleaned up. Everything was normal, not awkward as it could have been, in fact both of them felt comfortable.  
They laid down in bed, Louis wrapped his hands over Harry's torso and they fell asleep cuddling and taking about the stuff they usually talked about.

It was morning and harry could feel Louis turn restlessly in bed, usually he moved around a lot but this was too much even for him.  
He glanced at the clock.  
"Stop it Lou, it's seven am for fuck's sake." He mumbled.  
"H, I can't sleep so I'm gonna leave and let you sleep, okay?"  
"Alright"  
"Okay, see you later." Said Louis kissing Harry's head as usual. 

Harry woke up alone and with a feeling of excitement, like he forgot something important, then he remembered and sat up in bed wide eyed.  
Fuck, he thought, Louis left, but it shouldn't be a big deal, he had done that before. But who's he kidding, it was a big deal. Should they talk about it or ignore it?!  
What if he regretted it, he wasn't even gay, he would tell him if he was, did he even like guys?!  
Harry was absolutely panicking now. He wouldn't dare text or call Louis, so he spent his day locked in his room, overanalyzing everything. Anxiety was killing him, what if Louis never wanted to talk to him again?! 

All his worries disappeared when Louis called later that day, asking if he wanted to play video games. 

It was like nothing ever happened, like it was a dream, so Harry didn't say anything, neither did Louis. 

***

Two months went by quickly, non of them ever mentioned what had happened, and they were okay with it, or at least that's what Harry told himself, denying that he was hopelessly in love with his best friend.

Three weeks after Louis went to University, they were texting as they usually did, but this time Harry gathered enough courage to ask what he was dying to know. Since the conversation was around the subject he thought it was a perfect timing.

"By the way, do you regret hooking up with me?" He made sure to use a lot of laughing emojis, to make it seem like he didn't really care much about it.

"You know me love, I never do anything I don't want to do, therefore, I regret nothing." Before Harry could answer he got another text  
"Why? Do you regret it?"  
"Please... I would never." Harry smiled relived.  
"So if you could go back you would do the same?" Harry didn't know what to say on that. Actually he would love to do it again and he would definitely do the same given the chance.  
"I don't know, lol" he answered.  
"So you're in love with me?" Harry began to panic. What?  
"What?"  
"I'm just messing with you man."  
Harry texted laughing emojis.  
This feelings would be the end of him, Harry thought.

***

The second time it happened was different, Harry was visiting Louis in the university, it was Autumn , they were in Louis' room, they drank too much and ended up having sex.

Louis didn't know it, but it was Harry's first time, as close as they were, he never wanted to know about Harry's love life, back when Harry had just come out to Louis, Harry thought that maybe it was because he was a little homophobic, but that didn't really make sense, so Harry just went with it.

The next day they laid in bed watching a movie. Harry was halfway laying on top of him.

"How are you so sure about your sexuality?" Asked Louis.  
Harry didn't expect this question and he thought maybe he was making Louis' uncomfortable by being so close to him, so he removed himself from him and sat up.

"I don't know... I just always knew I guess, at some point I was experimenting with girls but I didn't like it that much so I knew for sure that I'm gay" he said slowly, carefully observing Louis' expression "but sexuality can be very fluid, so you never know. Why are you asking?"

"I wish I was as sure as you are, I have just always liked girls, you know?! Never a guy, but we hooked up twice and it was good, I enjoyed it, but I don't know... I think it's because I know you so well and can be completely open with you, you know?!" Louis smiled at him fondly, pinching his cheek playfully, Harry smiled back, pretending that Louis basically telling him he was straight didn't break his heart.  
"Hey come back here, where did you go?!" said Louis, gesturing Harry to continue cuddling him, they went back to watching a movie.

Harry decided that because he was undeniably in love with Louis, he was going to be happy with whatever Louis gave him, even if it was just his time, but it was always more, kisses on cheek, friendly hand holding and cuddles, rare drunk hook ups, so considering they were living far away from each other for now, Harry liked to pretend they were a couple. He knew it was unhealthy, stupid and pathetic, he wouldn't hold back if any other guy came around, but he thought why not pretend for now.

***

It was late spring, soon Harry was going to go to the same university as Louis. He was excited, he would get to see him every day and things would go back to the way it was before. But things changed when one day Louis texted him.

"Hey babe, what are you doing?"  
"Nothing just studying, you?"  
"I've got some news"  
"What is it?"  
"Remember the girl I told you about, the one from the library?" Of course he remembered, Louis couldn't shut up about her for days.  
"What about her?" Harry already knew what Louis was going to say and he felt like he was going to vomit.  
"I kinda went on a date with her, but I wasn't sure if it was a date at first but I think it was, we kissed and all, it was great. I really like her, she's smart, funny and hot. We're going on another date tomorrow."  
"That's great Louis" Harry texted back. But it wasn't great, it was a catastrophy. Now they would have to stop hooking up, not that it happened very often but still, he felt like things were going to change and he hated it. This girl just came around and lately she was all Louis cared about.  
"I'm so excited for you to meet her! You're coming here next weekend, right?" Right, but now the idea didn't sound as tempting so he decided to lie.  
"Yeah, about that, I'm not so sure if I can make it next weekend, I have to study for finals and all."  
"Oh, Okay." Harry didn't text back anything, he didn't really know what to say to him, he was so upset.  
"So when are you going to come, then?"  
"I don't know Louis, but I really have to go back to studying now."  
"Okay love, talk to you later."  
Harry didn't go back to studying, he couldn't concentrate on anything. He had to get over Louis or it was gonna ruin his life. He was straight, it wasn't his fault he didn't feel the same towards Harry. In fact, in this situation Harry was the bad guy, he was the one who was fucking things up with unrequited feelings and he hated himself for it.

***

It was summer, Harry has been avoiding Louis as best as he could. He was convinced this was the only way to get over him, he never texted him and if he did it was short answers to Louis' texts. 

One summer day he was just hanging around the house, watching movie, he was alone. He heard a knock on the door, he paused the movie and got up to open the door. He was met with very angry looking Louis standing in the doorway.

He let himself in, not saying anything. Harry closed the door and looked at him.

"What the fuck Harry?" Said Louis with his eyes narrowed and his voice high.  
"Well, hello to you too, friend." Said Harry, nervously laughing. He has never seen Louis like that, so mad at him, they never fought.  
"I'm not really in the mood for jokes Harry, tell me what the fuck is going on" Louis was getting impatient.  
"What do you mean?" Harry said trying to avoid the subject. He went to the living room and Louis followed.  
"You've been avoiding me, ignoring me, at first I thought okay, he's busy, finals and all, but it's been over for weeks and still here we are. And I talked to your sister too, she told me you were considering going to another university, were you even going to tell me? Or were you just going to let me wander around and look for you on the first day of the school."  
"I haven't decided yet."  
"It's not about your university choice and you know it, so what is it about?"  
"Have you considered just for a second that world doesn't revolve around you? That maybe I have my problems? My own shit to go through?" Harry's voice was getting louder to match Louis'.  
"What problems?" Louis said protectively and harry wanted to die.  
"It's non of your concern" he regretted it as soon as it left his mouth. Louis face changed from angry to hurt.  
"Since when?" Louis cried helplessly. He didn't understand what was happening and it was frustrating him.  
"Look, I just need a little space from you okay? Please Louis, I just need a little time for myself." Harry's voice was so low that Louis barely heard it.  
"Okay Harry, take your fucking time, and give me a call when you sort your shit out, or don't. See if I care." Louis went out the door as fast as he arrived. Leaving Harry alone in the living room, with the front door open and tears in his eyes.

***  
Couple of months went by and Harry decided he shouldn't make university choice based on where Louis goes or doesn't go, so he went to the same university as Louis. 

It didn't change anything though, they didn't speak, not after that fight. Louis was giving Harry space and didn't want to annoy him, Harry on the other side, thought Louis was done with his bullshit.

They briefly knew about each other's lives from their families.  
Harry liked the university he met a lot of new people and he loved his new life, even though he missed Louis every day.

He knew it was only a matter of time before he ran into him, he tried not to think about it, it's been almost four months since they last spoke.

It happened in November. Harry was sitting outside the small cafe near the campus with his new friend Ian, they were sitting next to each other, talking and drinking coffee, he was in the middle of a hysterical laughter when he noticed Louis staring at him from across the street. Their eyes met and Harry stopped laughing, he didn't know what to do, Louis looked so upset, before he could think of anything Louis was gone.


	5. Just like old days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis has to be on the bed rest for a week because of his concession and Harry takes care of him, it brings out some memories

Louis woke up with cold hand stroking his cheek. He opened his eyes to see Harry sitting on his bed, looking at him fondly. He couldn't bear the sight so he closed his eyes again.  
"Hey love, how are you feeling." Harry was speaking to him like he would speak to a child and Louis found it endearing.  
"I'm alright H, thanks"  
"Mary called" Harry said.  
"Oh yeah? How are they handling things?"  
"She told me to tell you that you shouldn't worry about work, Concentrate on getting well and that she expects huge bonus this month, said you know why." Louis chuckled.  
" Probably I should give her 100% bonus."  
"Why?" Harry smiled.  
"She's been covering for me a lot lately, I just went back to work the day of the accident."  
"I can tell you've been busy." He pointed at almost fainted hickeys on louis' neck. Harry intended for it to sound teasing, but it came out jealous and passive agressive.  
Louis' laughed at that, not correcting Harry that he was too depressed to get out of bed for months, and huge part of the reason was now looking down at him apologetically.  
"Sorry, it's... None of my business."  
He said ashamed.  
"It's not a big deal." Louis didn't want him to feel bad about it so he changed the subject.

Living with Harry again was simple, as simple as breathing but at the same time it was agonizing.  
Sure, Louis might not be fully functioning right now because of his concussion, but it was excruciating to see Harry so close to him without having him. He didn't even want him back, not after all that had happened between them, he just couldn't forgive that he messed everything up this badly.

Sure Louis was not saint either, he fucked things up too, but not like Harry. Harry was like a thief who stole everything he loved and he couldn't stand being around him, but he didn't have much of a choice so he tried not to think about it.

Harry was gentle with him, watching his every word, careful not to upset Louis.  
The worst thing was that Louis remembered now, remembered what he was trying to forget for months, every little reason why he loved Harry.  
The way he took care of him, looked at him, how kind and beautiful he was, his little habits, private smiles, his scent, everything was so familiar that it hurt.  
He absolutely hated it.

***

It had been five days since Louis' accident, that's five days of Harry living with Louis, taking care of him, feeding him, basically babysitting him. Louis felt like a fucking helpless infant.  
Sometimes he forgot that Harry is no longer his, that he couldn't get over what he had done, that he had ruined it all, or maybe it was easier to pretend that here is where Harry's supposed to be.

"What time is it?" Louis asked Harry later, after finishing dinner.  
"It's past 8 pm."  
"I slept almost all day and I'm still sleepy"  
"That's good for you, love, let yourself heal, you'll be better soon."  
"I'm cold" Louis whined.  
"I'll get you warmer blanket"  
"I don't have one" he said awkwardly  
"Really?" Harry was obviously judging him.  
"Yeah."  
"What can I get you then?"  
"Yourself" Louis joked.  
"Do you want me to lay next to you until you warm up?" Harry sounded completely serious. Louis raised his eyebrows, but he was in fact very cold, so he nodded, it couldn't be a big deal, if Harry didn't mind it. They both fell asleep wrapped up in each other.

***

Louis woke up with a warm body pressed to his stomach, he breathed in the familiar scent of Harry's skin and smiled. He hadn't opened his eyes yet, he hugged the boy tightly, kissed his shoulder like he always did and got a kiss on the hand in return, he buried his nose in Harry's curls. It took him a few seconds to realise something was wrong, he froze, opened his eyes and they weren't at home, they were at Louis' flat, the one he got after leaving Harry, after months of coldness, fights and cheating. Before he knew it Louis was sobbing, his cheeks were covered in tears, his body was shaking, it felt like someone he loved died, like his heart was ripped out of his body. He was grieving their relationship, the person he used to be, and the boy he could never have again.

Harry panicked when Louis started sobbing, he sat up immediately, not knowing what to do.

"Louis what is it? What hurts?" He said observing him carefully to look for the cause of the crying.  
Hearing his voice made Louis' sobs get louder.  
"Louis please" Harry begged "say something, you're scaring me"  
Louis didn't say anything he just continued sobbing uncontrollably with his head on his knees.  
"Louis, breathe love, breathe, I think you're having a panic attack, here, drink some water, it's fine you're fine I promise."  
A panic attack, of course, sometimes he wasn't able to tell when he had one before it was too late to stop it, but he knew how to handle this. He drank the water Harry was holding, tried to control his breathing, started counting. Soon he felt better, no more sobs, but he still couldn't stop the tears.  
"I'm sorry I..."  
"It's okay Lou, really, just try to breathe, it's gonna be fine." Harry said petting Louis' back "I didn't know you still got panic attacks, it's been so long since I've seen one."  
"For a moment I forgot" Louis said, another tear escaping his eye "that's why I can't..."  
"I don't understand what you're saying, love."  
"Don't you get it?" Louis said loudly, frustrated. "I woke up next to you and I forgot everything that happened these past months, it felt like old times when we used to wake up together, when we were fine, and then I remembered everything" Harry's eyes started to tear up.  
"Oh" he said, tear rolling down his cheek. He looked up to prevent crying.  
"That's why I can't have you in my life Harry, I can't go back to being friends, maybe eventually, but not yet, it still hurts so badly." Louis took a shaky breath.,  
"Yes, it does." Harry said not meeting his eyes.  
"Just why did you have to fuck it all up so badly..." Louis asked, sincerely wondering.  
"You were the one who left." Harry answered.  
"You're the one who cheated" he shook his head, frustrated "and it's not even about that, you know, you never fought for me, never asked me to come back and that is what hurts the most."  
"It felt to me like you were gone long before that, Louis, it wouldn't change anything"  
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" This conversation was upsetting Louis and suddenly he felt tired. "You know what?! It doesn't matter. What's done is done, it's too late now." He said calmly "I'm so thankful for the past five days, but I feel much better now, and I'm going to see doctor tomorrow, so I think I can handle myself for the day."  
"What? Louis don't be ridiculous, you can barely..."  
"I said I'm fine, Harry, thank you, but I really don't mind being alone one day"  
"Okay, I get it, I'll leave, but please if you feel bad just call me, don't be stupid, alright? Do you promise?"  
Louis thought about it for a second and sighed defeated.  
"Okay, fine."  
"Bye Louis." Harry sounded just as sad as he looked.  
Louis spent rest of the day sleeping and crying. His head felt fine but nothing else did.


	6. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback of how Harry and Louis became a couple.

It's been a week since Harry saw Louis from the cafe. Seeing him again brought back memories and memories brought back feelings.   
All the progress he thought he was making was lost.   
Harry wanted to cry, but he promised himself he would not, because he was not gonna spend another night crying over a guy who didn't love him back. He was tired of feeling pathetic.

It was 1 am when he heard a knock on his dorm room. His roommate was back home for the weekend and his first thought was that maybe something had happened and he was back.

He opened the door, but he didn't see his roommate as he thought he would, instead Louis was standing there. He looked like he's been crying, his eyes were red and puffy, his hair was disheveled.   
Suddenly he forgot everything, the fight, the hurt, the feelings, it was Louis, his best friend, the guy he adored and he was obviously hurt.

"Lou are you alright?" Panic started to build in Harry's stomach.  
"Can I come in?" Louis asked instead of answering, His voice was barely above whisper and he sounded broken.  
"Of course" Harry gestured for him to come in, Louis sat on Harry's bed, Harry sat there as well, facing him.

"What is it Lou? You're worrying me"  
"We need to talk."  
"Louis are you drunk?"   
"It doesn't matter, we need to talk." Louis insisted.  
"Go on then, talk" Harry said concerned, Louis looked so fragile and broken Harry was afraid to touch him.

"Okay" he rubbed his eyes to concentrate on what he had to say. "Harry please, all I need is to know what happened, you said you needed space, I was worried about you, you never called" his eyes filled with tears as he talked. "I waited and waited for you to come around but you didn't. I thought something was up but I didn't want to annoy you, and I was kinda mad at you, but last week I saw you with your boyfriend and you seemed fine." He said coldly and a little annoyed. "So I thought maybe it was about me, maybe I did something wrong, Harry please, you need to talk to me, I can't do this anymore." Harry didn't know what to answer, he couldn't tell the truth, too afraid of losing Louis, but he was losing him either way so he didn't know what to do. Louis noticed Harry's hesitation and continued "Even if you don't want to see me again I need some kind of closure, I need to know, please." He looked at Harry with pleading eyes.

Louis seemed very drunk and his speaking was confusing and fast. Harry's heart ached at his words, he had only thought about himself and how to get over Louis, but never considered how much he was hurting the one he loves.

"I thought you wouldn't want to see me again, after the fight you were so angry at me" he looked down. He paused, when Louis didn't say anything he added "And Ian is not my boyfriend."  
"He's not?" Louis' eyes suddenly lit up. "No boyfriend then?"  
Harry shook his head, confused  
"What does it have to do with anything?" Louis paused for a moment.  
"Because I'm an idiot." He chuckled like he just solved a crime. Wide smile spreading across his face.  
"What are you talking about."  
"I think..." Louis paused and looked him in the eyes. "Harry, I think I'm in love with you." He said it like he just figured it out but also like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
"What?"   
"Yeah, at first when we hooked up I thought okay, it was just fun, And then I started to think that maybe I'm not as straight as I thought, or maybe it doesn't matter, seeing you with that guy made me feel uneasy and so angry, I was so jealous, so I realized, I love you, more than one should love a friend, I want to have you in every way that I can." He said.

"You're drunk" Harry wasn't sure that Louis wouldn't take it back tomorrow.  
"All this time away from you made me realize that it's you! You're the one, you're my best friend, my family, my everything, I want to be with you."

"Louis stop it." Harry shouted, unable to hear one more word until he was sure Louis meant them, because the more he said, the more it would hurt if he denied it later. He didn't want to get his hopes up.   
Suddenly Louis' face changed, his mouth was agape and his eyes carefully studied Harry's face.

"Oh my God" Louis said "fuck, oh fuck" he got up, covering his mouth. "You don't feel the same do you?! I totally misread the situation, I'm so sorry, we can still be friends right?! I'm so sorry, god, please H, say something." He looked at Harry wide eyed and nervous.

"It's not that, you didn't misread anything, but I don't want to talk about it when you're this fucking drunk Louis, if you feel the same in the morning we can talk about it but not like this, please let's just sleep, it's late and I'm tired."  
Harry didn't expect Louis to comply easily, he was stubborn, but to his surprise he nodded and said  
"Okay, but can we cuddle, I missed you so much."  
"Yeah we can cuddle." He said looking fondly at Louis.

***

Harry woke up with someone gently kissing his shoulder. It took him two seconds to remember who this someone was. he turned around to face Louis, who still had his arms wrapped around him.  
"Hi" said Louis smiling.  
"Hi" Harry answer slowly, unsure of what was about to come.  
Louis rolled his eyes.  
"I meant every word I said yesterday, you know that, right?"  
Harry smiled wide, his dimples popping.  
"The reason I started ignoring you was that I wanted to get over you" he said.  
"How is that working out for you?" Louis asked teasingly.  
"It's not." Harry answered smiling.  
"Then kiss me you idiot"   
Harry kissed him, he had missed feeling Louis lips on his so much. Soon he pulled away, Louis noticed that he was puzzled about something.

"What is it love?"  
"What about girls."  
"What girls?"  
"Girls in general"  
"What about them?" Louis was confused.  
"Well, you're still gonna be attracted to them, won't you want to have sex with them? Will I be enough?"Harry said biting his lip, Suddenly he felt self conscious.  
"Well, will you wanna have sex with other guys if I'm with you?" Asked Louis with his eyebrows raised.  
"No" Harry said annoyed, as if it should have been obvious.  
"Well, there you go babe, that's your answer."  
"That's different" Harry rolled his eyes.  
"It's really not, H."  
"What if you get bored with me."  
"Listen to me you silly person, you are the most perfect human I know, I love you so much it hurts, you are also the hottest person I've met" he lowered his hand on Harry's body and playfully squeezed his ass, Harry laughed "and the best sex I've ever had, you will always, always be more than enough, now remember that for when you want to ask more stupid questions and just kiss me." Before Harry could say anything Louis' lips were on his.

***

First few weeks they barely got out of each other's beds, but soon enough they realized there was the world outside, so they started with telling their families and friends, who were mostly unimpressed or told them they knew already.

Second thing they did was get a small flat near the campus, it was cheap and tiny but it was comfortable and theirs so they loved it. 

They fell into the routine soon enough, they were busy with school, jobs and studying but they always found time for each other, always surprised each other with small things like love notes in Louis' lunch bag, surprise visits between the classes, homemade dinners, dates, flowers or other gifts. 

On the last year of the university Louis opened the book shop. The idea came from Louis constantly reading and Harry teasing him that this flat was too small for so many books and he should open a book shop to store all his books. A joke became an idea. once they were walking down the streets when they saw a perfect place for it, Louis took all his savings and the money his parents sent him for it and bought the place.

Harry and Louis remade the place all by themselves, every spare minute they had, they spent renovating the shop, doing it was tiring but they did it together, which meant a lot of fun, laughs and sex in every hidden corner. 

In a couple of months the book shop with a cafe was ready. At first things weren't going so well, Louis had to study managing it, owning a business wasn't as easy as it seemed, there was too much paperwork, too much time and energy was put into it but after a few months it started to pay off, the place got quite popular, it had it's crowd and things started to look up. 

When Harry finished university they bought a flat that was bigger and on the better part of the town.   
For years they were so happy, they made a life together and it was beautiful, they never thought that after perfect six years of their life anything could go this horribly wrong.


	7. Back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry doesn't stop trying to fix things, they talk and decide to try again.

Louis was awoken by alarm, he groaned and turned over putting pillow over his head. He was having nightmares all night, so he felt like he didn't sleep at all.

He had doctor's appointment in two hours, he wondered why he didn't set his alarm half an hour later.

Louis got up slowly, he felt a little heaviness in his head still, he showered and ate pizza leftovers from the day before. He got dressed and was about to call taxi when he heard a knock on the door.

He opened the door to reveal Harry awkwardly standing in the doorway.

"Hey! Ready?"  
"For what?" Louis shook his head in confusion. "What are you doing here?"  
"You have doctor's appointment in" Harry checked his watch "43 minutes"  
"Still doesn't explain you being here..." Louis was getting irritated.  
"Come on, love, don't be grumpy, let me drive you."  
"Harry I told you, I'm fine, you don't have to babysit me anymore, I can call a taxi."  
"I'm not doing it because I have to, I'm doing it because I want to, now stop being a fucking baby and do what's best for you, let me drive you there."  
"Okay" Louis rolled his eyes. "Just let me get my things and we can go"  
"Sure" he said, looking around "Pizza? really?" Harry said pointing at the huge empty pizza box, clearly judging his choice of food. " I was gone one day." He added.  
"You know my cooking skills are shit even without concussion, I figured I shouldn't even try now."  
"Maybe, but you can order healthier food." Harry suggested.  
"Stop it Harry, you're not my mom, besides if I'm paying for it, I'd rather it be as unhealthy and delicious as possible."  
"Alright, Jesus, let's go."

They got in the car, Harry started driving.  
"So how have you been feeling?"  
"I'm better, I think I will be off the bed rest. I hate when I'm unable to do things. I feel useless and helpless."  
"You're not helpless or useless, love, you're sick. It's alright to be sick, you don't have to worry about it." Louis sighed.  
"Will you stop talking to me like I'm a child or something?"  
"Never" Harry laughed.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Harry asked before Louis entered doctor's office.  
"I didn't even want you to drive me here, not like it ever stopped you" Harry frowned. Louis immediately regretted saying it, his face softened.  
"I'm sorry, that was rude, it's okay I can go in by myself." Harry sat on the chair outside and waited.

When Louis left the doctor's office he saw Harry talking with a nurse, they were laughing about something.  
"Hey, how was it love?" Harry asked as soon as he noticed Louis.  
"I'm almost healed, hallelujah."  
"Oh, you'll be fine, don't worry" said the nurse, Louis narrowed his eyes at her. "I was just telling your boyfriend here about the time I got a concussion." She smiled at Harry like they shared some private joke. "Okay, I have to go back to work now, have a good one." Nurse smiled at them and left.

"Do you know her?" Louis asked.  
"Just met her, lovely woman."  
"Unbelievable, I was in there like what, twenty minutes?!"  
"You didn't correct her when she called me your boyfriend." Harry teased, wiggling his eyebrows.  
"I don't care what she thinks."  
"She thinks we are a great couple, so cute and sweet, she finds my devotion to your health endearing." Harry was playfully smiling at Louis, as they were getting in the car.  
"Why didn't you correct her, then?" Louis said a little bit irritated, not liked to be reminded about what he no longer had. Harry looked at him with sad expression, his face falling.

"Maybe because I like to pretend that last few months were just a nightmare and when I wake up It'll be next to you." He was surprisingly sincere and it broke Louis' heart all over again.  
"You can't just... Say things like that to me." Louis spat out.  
"Why not? I regret the things I never said to you so much, so why not start talking?!"  
"Because it's too late now, it doesn't matter, it only breaks my heart." Louis frowned.  
"Do you still love me?" Harry asked.  
"It doesn't matter."  
"It's all that matters, I still love you Louis, I want you to know that, and I know that you still love me, it's okay, no need to say it."  
"Why now... It's been months Harry, what changed." Louis looked at him helplessly.

"I was stupid, I was holding onto my pride and stupid, petty technicalities, when you left, it felt like someone ripped out my heart and set it on fire, nothing in life made sense anymore, for weeks I thought that it was for the best, that it was bound to happen." Harry breathed out heavily. "But then I started to realise that I didn't give a shit anymore, you are the best part of me, I'm more me when I'm with you, I'm the happiest."  
"I don't know what to say Harry... I just can't think about it right now."  
"Let's just stop avoiding each other and hang out, just see where it goes, I just need you in my life, whatever way I can get you."

Louis stared at the window, Harry waited patiently for Louis to say something, he drove silently.  
"I don't know, it hurts too much, too much history, too much shit to get over."  
"Can't you just let go of the past? Whatever happened, happened, let's leave it in the past and start again, clean slate."  
"It's not that simple. If only you had been this open and talkative five months ago, none of this shit would have happened in the first place." Louis looked out the window, this was new, Harry never talked to him this sincerely, there was always something to read between the lines.

"What if years from now you look back and say 'what if I hadn't been so fucking stubborn and just had given it one more try.' I know I would, if I hadn't come to see you again. Please Louis, just think about it, I'm really trying, you just gotta meet me halfway." Harry stopped the car in front of Louis' building.

Louis paused, he looked down on his hand like it was the most interesting thing in the world.  
"Would you like to come up? I'm kind of hungry, we could order that healthy food you talked about earlier?!" He looked at Harry, who had a wide smile spread across his face.  
"I would love that."

***

An hour later food arrived, Louis let Harry chose the menu, at first he wasn't sure if he should have risked eating grass but the food smelled absolutely delicious.

"What did I tell you, you can always find something that is both, healthy and delicious, you just have to look good enough."  
"Yeah, yeah, you just love to be right so I'm gonna let you have this one." Louis smiled rolling his eyes.  
"You always do that, just pick something you like and stick with it, you ate pizza and thought, 'hm, I'm gonna eat pizza for the rest of my life', you should be open to new things." Harry said laughing.  
"What's wrong with sticking with one thing that you love." Louis said with his expression sad. Harry frowned.  
"I'm just talking about food, Lou, don't read too much into it." Louis gave him an apologetic smile and continued to eat.

"Do you want to drink something? I'm kind of craving that red wine I bought a week ago."  
"I'm not sure that drinking is good for you right now, concussion and all." Louis rolled his eyes.  
"God, you're killing me, I'm sure it won't do much harm, come on, I'm feeling rebellious." He got a bottle and opened it "so? would you like some?" Harry shook his head, smiling fondly.  
"Well, if you insist..."

When they were done eating they went on the balcony, sat in chairs with wine in their hands, Louis lit up a cigarette.  
"You're smoking again" Harry stated.  
"Old habits die hard I guess, I've been having a stressful half of the year."  
"Here's to the better part of it, then, cheers" said Harry and took a sip of wine.  
"God you're so annoyingly optimistic sometimes." Louis smiled at him.  
"One of the things you love about me." Harry smiled back with loving eyes.

Louis cupped Harry's face and looked him in the eyes. Suddenly he felt overwhelmed by the love he felt for the boy in front of him, the warm feeling in his chest felt like the ocean of emotions that he couldn't handle holding back anymore.  
He slowly leaned in and gently kissed Harry's lips, loud breath escaped his mouth, like he spent five months underwater and he was able to breathe again, he squeezed his eyes shut, placed his hand in Harry's hair and pulled him in to deepen the kiss. Harry moaned and pulled Louis into his lap.  
Louis slipped his hand under Harry's shirt feeling his skin, the kiss was getting rough, Louis wanted to crawl under Harry's skin and live there, he never wanted to not feel his strong hands holding him.

"I missed you so fucking much, it's been too long" whispered Louis, resting his forehead on Harry's, who kissed his jaw in response.  
"Lou, I need to tell you something."  
"Right now?" Louis complained. "Do you have to spoil it? it's been so long, I want to fuck you."  
"Romantic as ever." Louis chuckled,  
He rested his head on Harry's shoulder while still being in his lap, they had their arms around each other. They sat in quiet for a while, just happy in each other's presence.

"So what did you want to tell me babe." Louis whispered, too afraid to spoil the magical moment.  
"I just need you to know that I never cheated on you." Louis sat up, frowning, gave Harry doubtful look. Harry's face was calm and unfazed.

"What do you mean you never cheated" Louis chuckled shocked. "This must be a joke." Harry shook his head.  
"I never did, I never had an affair, I never even thought about it, ever."  
"But the kiss, I saw it. I saw you kiss Sean." Louis said confused and upset at the memory.  
"He kissed me, I was talking to him about the problems we were having, I considered him a close friend, I suppose he saw it as an opportunity to kiss me, I told him to fuck off, you just saw the kiss part."

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" Louis practically yelled in frustration.  
"Would you have believed me?"  
"YES! Of-fucking-course I would have believed you."  
"I thought you were looking for the reason to leave, so I guess I just let you assume, not like it was the only problem we were having."  
"Yeah but it was what pushed us over the edge. My God, you are an idiot!" Louis couldn't believe that Harry let him believe that he betrayed him like that for months.

"I'm sorry, I know it was childish and stubborn thing to do, but I'm thinking more clearly now and I was just waiting for the right time to tell you the truth, I guess."  
"We're gonna have so much shit to work through, promise me we will work this all out this time, I can not survive losing you again." Louis said, putting his head back on Harry's shoulder.  
"We're gonna figure it out, I promise, it's going to be just fine, as long as I have you." Said Harry, kissing Louis' neck and hugging him tighter.


	8. Can't go on without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback of how and why Harry and Louis broke up.

If you asked Louis where did it all go wrong, he would say it was summer, when the days were long, hot and busy.  
Harry had just gotten promotion at work two months before, so he had to spend much more time at work now. Days would go by without them even talking properly and it upset Louis.  
It was little things at first, dates canceled, dinners eaten alone, sometimes Harry wouldn't even come to bed, he would just fall asleep on the couch or guest room.

Louis knew it wasn't easy for Harry, but he couldn't help but feel unimportant and unwanted. He didn't say anything, he would still greet Harry with smile and a kiss, but sometimes it just got too much, to the point that Louis would spend hours crying.

One day he tried to bring it up over dinner, it was exceptional night, when Harry came back from work on time.  
"How's work?" He asked.  
"Busy as always, stressful." Harry shook his head, like he didn't want to think about it. "Oh, It reminds me, I know we were going out of town next weekend but I'm not sure if I can make it." Harry looked at him apologetically.

"Are you serious?" It was too much, Louis had planned all weekend, he was so excited about it... now Louis felt sad.  
"You could still go." Harry suggested .  
"It's not that I want to go, it's that I want to go with YOU, spend some time with you... you're always busy, is it gonna be like that from now on? You said it was just going to be busy at the start, but I barely ever see you."  
"I know Louis but what do you want me to do?! I'm trying my best but there's only so much hours in the day."  
"I get it H, but are you thinking about the future? What about the kids? We talked about it, but we can't have one if you're always this fucking busy."  
"Future is all I think about, don't you get it? That's why I'm doing it, and I'm only 24, I think we should talk about kids in a few years."  
"That was never the problem before, suddenly you don't want to have a kid?"  
"Louis I don't have time for it right now, you got your dream job, can't I work towards mine? Why are you making big deal out of it."  
"Because it is a big deal, it's not about job, or kids or whatever, it's about the fact that I feel lonely, I don't see you anymore and I miss you." Louis sighed "I can't even remember the last time you told me you loved me." Said Louis frustrated. "You're neglecting me and I hate it. The problem isn't your job, the problem is how you treat me."  
"Yeah, and one evening we have to eat in peace and quiet and spend some time together you decide to fight and be fucking dramatic., That's great."  
"I'm being dramatic?! You always get so fucking defensive when I try to talk to you and work things out."  
"I don't want to talk about it anymore!" Said Harry, annoyed.  
It was pointless, he was talking and talking but Harry wasn't listening so Louis just got up, leaving full plate of food and Harry behind.

"Lou!" Harry called after him. Louis kept going until he was in the room, he locked the door behind him and curled up in bed, letting tears flow freely. A sob escaped his mouth, he felt so small. 

Two hours later Harry tried to open the door, but it was locked.  
"Lou, are you awake?" He got no response. "Babe, I'm sorry" still nothing. "Come on Lou, open the door." Louis was wide awake, but he didn't want to see Harry, or for Harry to witness what a mess he was right now, so he stayed quiet. Harry sighed and went to sleep on the guest room.

Next morning when Harry awoke Louis was already gone, which was odd, because he never woke up earlier than Harry, let alone leave before he even woke up. He found a note on the bed.  
"Went to visit my mom for a few days" was all it said, no details, no 'i love you'.  
Harry's chest felt heavy with saddness. It was his fault, Louis would never leave in the middle of the week spontaneously unless he wanted to get away from him.  
Harry rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. He didn't have time to think about it. He got ready and left for work.

Louis spent 5 days at home with his family, doing everything to take his mind away from where it's supposed to be.  
When his family asked about Harry he just said he was busy and would visit next time. He was sure his mom figured that something was wrong by the sad looks she was giving him, but she didn't say anything.

He didn't call or text Harry, he needed a little time away, to refresh and feel better, to regain strength to try again. He wasn't going to let 10 years of love get ruined by some stupid fights or bad few months.

when he got back home, it was almost 2 am. The house was empty and Louis got an uneasy feeling in his chest. He decided to wait up for Harry, he waited and waited, he considered calling him but quickly decided against it, he didn't know wether he should talk to him about what happened or just pretend they never had a fight. Around four thirty he fell asleep on the couch with book in his hand, lights on and concerned expression on his face. he was too tired from the drive to stay awake any longer.

He woke up to someone kissing his cheek, he opened his eyes slowly, Harry was smiling down at him, kneeling next to the couch.  
"You're back baby" Harry looked like a kid on the Christmas morning, with his eyes lit up and his smile wide. Suddenly Louis forgot everything that concerned him, all that mattered was a breathtaking man in front of him, who he loved so dearly.  
"Yeah, love, I got back last night." He said cupping his face gently "where were you by the way, I tried to wait up but I was too tired." Louis frowned at the memory.  
"I was out with some work friends, I stayed over at Sean's, I got back an hour ago, didn't wanna wake you up but I missed you so much." Harry kissed his lips and neck. Harry was freshly showered, his hair was still wet.  
" Who's Sean? First time I'm hearing that name"  
"No it's not! He's a friend from work, I told you about him, the one with funny scarfs, I told you remember? Hell, you even met him last year, at my work party."  
"Oh, I don't remember, why did you stay there?"Louis asked matter-of-factly.  
"We were drinking at his place, it was late and I thought I might as well stay." Said Harry, confused as to why they were waisting time talking about it.  
"Others stayed over as well?" Louis said, heavy feeling of jealousy filling his chest.  
"It was just the two of us in the end." Harry said like it wasn't a big deal. Which it absolutely was.  
"Come on love, I made you breakfast, let's eat, I have today off, let's make the most of it." Harry kissed Louis one more time. Louis tried to forget about jealousy, not a big deal, he told himself, he just stayed over at friends house. while they were in a fight and he was out of town. But no matter. Harry loved him, he would never hurt him like that.

They spent all day together, like old times, talking about nothing and everything, eating, laughing, making love, watching movies, remembering things from the past, talking about the days they spent apart, just being with each other, forgetting that there is a world outside.

Sun was setting and they were laying in the bed next to the window, last rays of sun iluminating their skin. They were lying on their sides, facing each other, just admiring the moment.

Harry cupped Louis' face. Looking deep into his eyes.  
"I love you so, so much, you know that right? You are my family." Louis kissed his lips.  
"I love you too, baby" he said intertwining their fingers together. "I always will." He said bringing Harry closer to hold him while the sun set slowly outside the window.

A few days went by and things started to look up, Harry was trying to give Louis more attention, but not much changed overall, he still worked late, louis still rarely saw him.

Louis had a tingling feeling in his chest, like something wasn't quite right. He started to get more defensive, colder, he didn't want to get hurt.  
Suddenly there a distance between them that was never there before. Louis felt like he couldn't trust Harry not to break his heart, so he became more tense around him. He tried to overcome it, to convince himself it was all in his head, but their relationship didn't feel like it used to.

He thought that maybe Harry was having an affair. All the late nights he spent at work, the lack of attention and he spent the night with this Sean guy. Louis looked him up on Facebook. He looked his age, he was fit and gorgeous, he faintly remembered seeing Sean once. He felt so jealous, he didn't even want to imagine Harry with him, but he couldn't help it.

Of course Harry felt that Louis got colder towards him, he became more unsure of himself, always controlled every word he said around him, he started to get anxious a lot, he thought that maybe Louis doesn't love him anymore, they didn't get along very well these days, so maybe he wanted to leave him, maybe he was giving up.  
He was doubtful about their relationship and for the first time in years he was genuinely afraid that any moment he could lose it all.

It was usual Friday night, Louis Knew that Harry would be out late, he tried not to think about it but all he saw was Harry with Sean, kissing him, smiling at him lovingly, having sex with him. He wasn't going to sit home waiting for him again. So he decided he would go out tonight. He didn't really want questions to be asked, so he didn't call any of his friends like he usually would, instead he went alone.

He drank and drank his saddness away, trying to forget all his troubles. It was 4 am when he got home, secretly hoping for Harry to be mad at him, to yell at him even, he just wanted to feel something was still there, something worth fighting for.

"Louis?" Harry called out as soon as he heard the door open. "Where were you darling?" Harry was calm and it pissed Louis off.  
"Oh, look who gives a shit." Louis said sarcastically. Closing the door behind him.  
"How drunk exactly are you? You can't even walk straight!" Harry said when Louis passed him to go to the bathroom. suddenly Harry felt angry. He got up from the couch and followed Louis, standing opposite open bathroom door, where Louis was tossing his clothes in the laundry bag.

"I was out with my work friends, not a big deal, is it?" He said innocently, daring Harry to say anything about it.  
"Couldn't you have called or texted? I was worried, you didn't answer your phone."  
"I turned it off."  
"Why the fuck would you do that?"  
"Because I wanted to have fun, not hear this nagging, that's why. I'm going to sleep." He said leaving bathroom.  
"Louis, what's the matter with you? You're not acting as yourself." Louis stopped in the middle of the living room, turned around slowly, he went up to Harry. They were so close that Harry could smell vodka from Louis' mouth.  
"Maybe it is the new me Harry, maybe you were just too busy neglecting me to notice." He spat out.  
"Are you hearing yourself right now?" Harry said upset. Taking a step back from his boyfriend.  
"Whatever" Louis chuckled bitterly "I'm going to sleep." He went to the bedroom, ignoring Harry calling after him. 

Harry slept in the guest room that night, curled up in his bed, crying, not quite understanding where did he go wrong. He spent following four nights there as well, he was upset and mad at Louis for lashing out on him out of the blue with no reason.  
He also felt jealous, he thought that maybe louis hooked up with someone while he was out, maybe that's why he turned off his phone, maybe he didn't want Harry anymore, maybe he wanted to leave and that's why he acted like it.

It was Tuesday when Louis realized he was acting horribly, he was being childish and petty, if Harry had been trying more, why couldn't he.  
Louis decided he would surprise Harry after work and take him out to his favorite restaurant. He felt really excited, Harry loved surprises and Louis liked seeing Harry happy. He thought it was time to start fixing things.

Harry was almost finished working for the day, there were only him and Sean left in the office, they closed up a few minutes early, they walked together for a while, as they were headed to the same direction. They continued the conversation they had earlier.

"I just feel like he doesn't want me anymore, you know?!" Harry said with saddness in his voice. "I feel so powerless, he doesn't want to talk to me, or even sleep next to me, sometimes I think he might be done with me and it scares me."  
"Yeah I get it." Said Sean "it can be scary but you deserve better Harry, you deserve someone who treats you well and makes you feel wanted and beautiful" Harry stopped walking, feeling a little uncomfortable at the turn of the conversation, before he could say anything, Sean kissed him.

He didn't expect it, he didn't even know Sean liked guys, he was so shocked that it took him a few seconds to react and pull away.

"Sean, what the hell?" He said calmly, he wasn't mad, he was just shocked. He didn't want this.  
"I'm sorry, I just thought..."  
"Well you thought wrong, I love him, we may not be doing great right now but he's the love of my life, I didn't know you would read things between us differently, we're just friends Sean..."  
"I'm sorry Harry, truly, I misread things, I think I'm gonna go now. I'm so sorry."  
"Yeah, okay." Harry rubbed his forehead, what the hell just happened.

He walked towards home, it was an hour long walk, but he needed to clear his head, he felt betrayed by a person he considered a friend.  
All he wanted was to go home to his man, to hug him and breath in his comforting scent.

He opened the door to find Louis sitting in the living room, just staring at the wall. He saw a packed suitcase near the wall and suddenly he felt dizzy, he thought he was going to throw up. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be real.

"Lou?" He said carefully, sounding broken, he felt his eyes tearing up.  
Louis didn't say anything at first, they just looked into each other's eyes, Harry's eyes were pleading for some other explanation than the one about to come.

"I can't do this anymore, Harry." Louis said barely above the whisper, his eyes were red and puffy. He looked tired and older somehow.  
"Louis no, please we can work through it, I know things haven't been that good lately but we can fix it baby." He approached Louis, he tried to take his hand but Louis flinched away. Harry looked at him, hurt and confused. It felt like he was in the nightmare.  
"Do you want to fix it?! It doesn't feel like it honestly, it even sounds a bit ridiculous." He said annoyed. "I'm unhappy, Harry, I waited an waited, tried to fix things this way or the other but it's obviously not working."  
"Lou you can't just... Leave me." Harry tried to think of anything better to convince him to stay, but his brain was frozen. "Please... I love you." Saying it he felt insecure somehow, like he made himself vulnerable, he felt like what was the most important thing to him didn't make difference for Louis. Tears were falling from his eyes uncontrollably.  
Louis laughed sarcastically, shaking his head.  
"You can stop it H, I know about Sean." Harry didn't expect this turn. Louis knew about the kiss? How? Did Sean contact him somehow?  
"What? How?" Was all he said.  
"I saw you today. God I'm so stupid, I should have known, I think deep down I did, I just tried to convince myself that you would never do that to me." Louis laughed at his naivety.  
"Lou, it wasn't like that." Harry said with his eyes wide.  
"Just tell me, how long?" Louis looked at Harry, his eyes were cold, empty and merciless.  
"Louis what are you talking about?"  
"I'm talking about how long it's been since you two are fucking." Louis said, disgusted.  
"Louis, please, listen..."  
"Okay, you know what, it doesn't even matter. I don't even want to fucking know. I'm leaving, Harry." Louis got up and took his suitcase.

Harry felt powerless, his worst nightmare was coming true and he couldn't do anything to stop it, all he could do was watch.  
Harry thought that maybe he could say something, or do something but he felt numb, it didn't even matter if Louis thought he cheated on him or not, he just wanted to leave because he felt unhappy, he was just looking for a reason.  
Harry felt like he got hit by a bus as he watched the love of his life walked out the door, leaving him behind.

Louis closed the door behind him, heaviness in his chest. It was their home he was leaving. He went to a hotel he had reserved earlier.  
When he was safe in the hotel room he finally let himself break.  
He fell on the floor, not even taking a step away from the now closed door, crying and sobbing loudly, not caring about anyone hearing.  
It felt like he was on fire, it hurt so badly, finally confirming what he had doubted for a while now, that Harry was cheating, that he didn't want Louis anymore, ten years just thrown out of the window, like it was nothing.

A few days went by. Louis didn't feel better, he cried less, but he still hadn't left the hotel. He was hoping that maybe Harry would come to his senses, realise what really was important, But by the end of the second week, it got clear that Harry wasn't going to call, or come and apologize, or tell him to come home.  
The worst part was that he was sure Harry must have felt relived that he left. Maybe he didn't know how to end it, how to be with another man, maybe Louis was burden to him for months.  
Louis didn't see the point anymore, point of feeling, So when the hurricane of emotions left, all that was left was emptiness and mess.  
Louis tried to keep going. He got a small flat near his book shop, he was trying his best to go to work regularly, trying to live his life without Harry in it.  
He tried to just breathe and keep living.


	9. New life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Harry and Louis get back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, I hope you enjoy it, thank you so much for reading.

Louis woke up with a smile on his face. Without even moving he could feel the man in his arms.  
Intense wave of happiness overwhelmed him, he wanted to jump around or scream, he took a deep breath, loving the way Harry's scent filled his lungs.

It was real, he had his boy in his arms, once again, he told himself he would never take it for granted, he would always stick by his side, there was no pain greater than the huge hole Harry left in Louis' life for months, but he was here now, making the world around him alive again, colorful and beautiful.  
Louis opened his eyes, it couldn't have been later then 8 am. He saw Harry turn in his sleep, in response of Louis shifting in bed.  
Harry was now facing him, he looked comfy, calm and cuddly. Louis cupped his cheek, stroking his thumb over his skin gently. Harry smiled warmly, not fully awake yet, but not sleeping either.  
Louis kissed his forehead, his cheek, jawline, neck, he was leaving gentle kisses all over his boy, taking his time admiring his body.

He felt hands slowly slip in his hair, leading him up to Harry's mouth, their lips crushed hotly, his breath hitched, he knew the kind of kiss it was. Harry's tongue was in Louis' mouth, licking and teasing intensely but slowly, he was taking charge and Louis felt the wave of pleasure hitting his lower body, he moaned when Harry turned him around, laying on top of him, he kissed his neck and chest, sucking on his nipple, causing another moan out of him. Harry opened his eyes to look at him.

"You're so pretty like this, baby, turned on and flushed" Harry whispered "waiting for me to take care of you, so, so pretty, and all mine." Harry said sinking his teeth in Louis' shoulder, Louis gasped, Harry knew exactly how to love him, always felt what he needed. Louis lowered his hand and took Harry's already hard cock in his hand, stroking him slowly, not to get him off, but to feel him, they were already naked from the night before.  
"How do you want me babe" Louis said, looking Harry in the eyes.  
"Just like this, I want to fuck you while I'm looking at your pretty face, seeing how you feel every second of it." Said Harry, slipping his lube covered finger in Louis' hole, moving it in and out while kissing him, he added another almost immediately, he had done it so many times before, he knew Louis' body like nothing else. 

Harry's fingers moved and so did the electricity in Louis' body, he was completely mesmerised by the intense feeling in every cell of his body, he couldn't help but meet Harry's fingers halfway, craving for more, Harry slipped another finger in, it brought a pleasant burn and stretch, Louis moaned when he felt Harry's wet mouth on him, licking and sucking his cock slowly, as he scissored his fingers inside of him.

"Harry please, I need you inside me babe" Louis managed to choke out, Harry smiled wickedly, pushed his fingers on Louis' prostate, causing him to moan brokenly, he pulled his fingers out, Louis felt empty but he knew what was coming, soon enough he felt Harry's thick cock inside of him, pushing in slowly, it has been so long since he felt him like this, he tightened around him, causing Harry to moan in his mouth, Harry started to move slowly, brushing against Louis prostate each time, causing him to roll his eyes back in pleasure, it felt like everything had disappeared around them, it was just them, their bodies and the intense way they could love each other in every way possible.

They were taking their time, making the experience spiritual in the way they were keeping themselves on the edge of pleasure, not letting go of it, or rushing it, just loving the moment.

After a while Harry picked up the speed, his thrusts got faster, stronger and more intense, holding Louis' thighs up and kissing everywhere he could reach.  
"I'm close baby" said Louis out of breath.  
"I know love, me too" Harry whispered back, keeping the rhythm, biting Louis' neck, that was the push that threw Louis over the edge, once Harry felt the hot liquid on his stomach, tightness around his cock and shaking movements under him he let go, feeling the pleasure he was holding back unleash and take over his body, making everything around him disappear. He continued fucking Louis through their orgasms and collapsed on top of him after, his eyes closed and head still spinning from the intense feeling.  
They laid there for a while, just lost in their heads and each other's bodies, limbs tangled, breathing heavily.  
Harry was the one to break the silence.  
"Good morning, babe" he said laughing, looking at Louis.  
"The best morning" said Louis kissing Harry's chest. "Up for a shower?"  
"give me five more minutes, I'm not ready to allow space between us just yet." Said Harry, bringing Louis closer, if it was possible.

***

It was afternoon, they were sitting at the kitchen table, eating.  
"So I wanted to ask you" Harry started hesitantly.  
"Hm?" Louis encouraged him to continue, while eating his food.  
"I was thinking... Would you come back home?" Said Harry, not looking up at Louis.  
"I would love nothing more H, honestly, but I don't think it's a good idea." Said Louis calmly.  
"Why not?" Harry felt his heart sink at the rejection.

"I will babe, eventually, of course, we just can't pick up where we left off. We need time to heal, to start over, if I just pack my things and move in again it wouldn't be healthy. We can't just make up, make love and move in in one day, these things take time."

As much as Harry hated to admit it, Louis was right, he had to be patient to build a strong relationship with the love of his life.  
"Okay, that makes sense..." He said, taking another bite of his food.  
"I love you" said Louis, reassuring Harry.  
"Love you more."  
"Impossible"

***

Three months went by before they finally decided it was time to move in. They figured they spent most nights together anyway, they might as well make it official. 

Louis moved in over time, it was a toothbrush and slippers at first, then a few t-shirts, jeans, finally when Harry found Louis' deodorant and parfume in the bathroom he thought it was time to talk.

"Babe, I think you're wasting your money" he said, getting in the sheets next to Louis, who immediately laid under his arm, putting his head on his shoulder.  
"What do you mean?" Louis looked up at him.  
"You practically live here already, just move in, please, don't be fucking stubborn." Harry said, preparing arguments in his head to convince louis.  
"Okay" Louis said simply, as if Harry was asking him if he wanted pizza for dinner. As soon as he said it Harry started talking.  
"But it's gonna be better that way, you won't... Wait what?" Harry was prepared for an argument already.  
"I said" Louis kissed Harry's nose. "'Okay', I will move back in."  
"Well, that was simple..." Harry chuckled.  
"Simple is good sometimes" said Louis sleepily, cuddling up to Harry's side. "Let's sleep now, love."  
"Okay" said Harry, falling asleep with a smile on his face.

***

Four months went by, their relationship felt the same again, but it was better at the same time, because now they talked about everything openly, not holding back or hiding hurt, anger or dislike of something, they just worked it out before things got big enough to ruin something.

Life was good, Harry's work was more stable than before, Louis was working on expending his book shop, the building had a second floor which he bought with Harry as soon as he got the opportunity, now he was renovating it.  
He and Harry decided to paint the walls together, by themselves, to bond and spend some time together, they found out the hard way, that it seemed easier than it actually was.

"I think I'm gonna die." Said Louis, putting his brush in the can full of paint. "Remind me why are WE doing it instead of paying someone to do it, you know, the people who do it professionally?!"  
"Because, we're making memories babe, we're building our future with our hands." Harry sighed. "But it sounds like sentimental bullshit after five hours of work. It's Saturday, can't we just go to club or something, like normal people?" Said Harry, rubbing his hand on his face, smearing paint all over his cheek. Louis laughed.  
"It was your idea babe, and I don't think it's a sentimental bullshit, or if I do, I love your sentimental bullshit, and as long as we have beer and each other, we'll be fine."  
Harry came up to him and kissed him passionately, they were covered in sweat and paint but non of them cared, they ended up making love on the floor, since there was no furniture and it was covered so the paint wouldn't ruin the floor. 

They laid on the floor after, laughing like teenagers about something stupid. Suddenly Harry looked at Louis all serious.  
"I wanna make a baby with you" he said kissing his lips.  
"You know we can't actually make a baby, right?!" Louis laughed.  
"We could still try" Harry suggested, smirking, kissing him once again. "No, I'm serious." He added.  
"We just finished babe, at least give me three minutes." Louis said, winking.  
"Not about sex you idiot, about the baby, let's have a baby." Harry looked at Louis, he seemed nervous and Louis smiled at him fondly.  
"Really? you wanna have a baby?" Louis asked softly, raising his eyebrows.  
"Yeah, really, I do. Don't you?"  
"Yeah, of course I do." Louis said "we should call adoption agencies, wanna start tomorrow?"  
"Yes."  
"So it's settled then, we're really doing it."  
"Yes, we are" Harry said smiling widely and kissing his lips. "And by the way" he got on top of Louis "your three minutes is up" he said, kissing Louis lips.

***

It's been a year and a half since they got back together and eleven months since they've been trying to adopt a baby, they had finally found a girl who wanted them as adoptive parents.

Adopting a child was harder than they thought, they filled out forms, talked to what seemed like endless amount of people, before they met Anna.

Anna was 19 and not at all ready to be a mother, she didn't have means to raise a child, or resources to be a good mom, she was all alone. They met with Anna twice. After the second meeting she said:  
"I just want this kid to grow up happy, with the parents who love them and make them happy, I think you can provide it"

It was settled, they were getting a baby, soon.  
They turned a guest room into nursery, but got a little crib for the kid to sleep in their room for the first few months at least.

They argued a lot about the name, they didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl, finally they had a few options, but still didn't really decide on anything.

Louis was in the middle of furniture shopping for the second floor of his cafe/book shop when he got the call. Immediately after he called Harry.

"Hey love, what's up?" He asked.  
"I need you to get out of the work right now."  
"Lou? What is it? Are you hurt?" Harry asked panicked.  
"No, no, god, H, we're getting a baby, right now, Anna called, she's going into the labor, right now. I'm on my way already, I'll text you the details."  
"Okay, alright, I'll be on my way."

They arrived at the hospital and eight hours later they were holding a beautiful baby girl in their hands.  
They named her Andrea.

In two days they were able to take her home, after all the check ups were done. She was healthy and beautiful.

"She's so tiny" said Harry when they finally put Andrea to sleep in her crib.  
"Yeah, I can't believe she's finally here." Said Louis, looking down on her fondly once again. They went out of the room. Harry set near the bar at the kitchen, louis got on the other side of it, reaching for the drawer.

"We should celebrate the occasion" said Louis, getting a bottle of red wine, he opened it.  
"Just one glass" said Harry.  
"You're getting so responsible" Louis teased "it's kinda hot." He winked. Harry laughed, blushing.

"Here's to us" said Louis, raising the glass. "We made it."  
"Yes!" Said Harry excited. "We're officially a family."  
"Not just yet" said louis with a mischievous smile on his lips, he got on the other side of the bar, facing Harry, he leaned in and pecked his lips, looking in his eyes he took his hands into his own.

"Harry, you've been the biggest part of my life as long as I remember. You're my best friend, my partner, my lover, my family, I don't want to imagine ever living without you" Harry smiled at him widely, Louis got on one knee, getting a little box from his pocket. Harry's eyes started to tear up, he was covering his mouth with his hands in excitement and happiness. "Will you marry me baby?" Louis said smiling at him.  
"Yes" Harry choked out "of course baby! I will marry you." Louis stood up, putting the ring on Harry's finger and kissing him deeply. 

That night louis couldn't sleep, he looked at the sleeping man in his arms, his breathing was soft and even, he couldn't help but stroke his cheek and kiss his forehead, he was so beautiful it took Louis' breath away.

One, two, three.  
One, two, three.  
One, two, three.

Louis counted the soft breaths comings from the crib beside his bed. He smiled as he looked at the tiny silhouette softly breathing and love of his life in his arms and he got overwhelmed by the warm feeling in his chest.

Right then and there Louis knew that everything would be alright, actually, everything would be absolutely great, as long as he had his family by his side.


End file.
